Am I

Salam,

Its been 4 days of Eid holiday, and i have spent my time at my strangered home.

It looks different,(after the renovation)

it feels different,

it's not the same,

It's my home.

I have come back and listen for hours on problems.

everything is so sad

everything is so tensed

everything is so...

it is a stressful life, when u think about it, it became more and more stressful. sometimes letting go is the best measure. everyone is growing one after another with their phase and problems. some very rebellious, some grown but never matures.

WHY ME? why I have to think, isnt it enough what i have done? yes i am tired. but something that always keep me going, if its not me who else? if its not me,she cant take it.

But, I have my life. I dream high above. Too high that might be one day i have to leave them for awhile.

But can they be ok?

would they ever understand?

I am like a Father now, though I always been. whenever im feeling very low, I know that Allah bring this up to grow me up in one or another way.

I pray and pray and pray "Allah, lessen the burden for her, lessen the burden for her, lessen the burden for her, lessen the burden for my siblings, open up their mind and heart, and God give me strength"

Years after years, everything is getting old. That old lady, down there "Allah give her health and happiness, and let her be with us"

because without her, I dnt know if i could.